Doing Trauma Drama
With A Single Friend
If you have not started trauma drama by now, you need help. You need someone to kick you lovingly in the asymptote. You need a co-therapy family. But if you cannot create a neurally trustable, Life knowledgeable, wanting, co-therapy family as described in Lesson 19, then you must at least try to find a single friend who can be persuaded to practice trauma dramas with you.
This is crucial. If you cannot motivate your Self to do trauma dramas alone, your determination to complete this Workbook is in danger of rotting back into neurotic conformity. You need someone, face to face, to get you started seriously on your self-therapy. Otherwise, your desire to transcend will slip back subtly into sophisticated rationalizations of why growing up is not for you.
So let us repeat the information from prior lessons in a slightly different form to help you get over this hump. Courage. Be tough. Try harder. One more time.
1. Discuss with your general friends the topic of neurosis and the topic of self-therapy. Find one person who is interested enough to read your copy of this Self Transcendence Workbook. Discuss with him/her this lesson. If you both agree to take a chance and try to help each other, start by doing a simple trauma drama together. The following steps will guide your technique. One be the therapee; one be the therapist. Hug and trust each other. You both need each other.
2. Write and follow your "Trauma Drama Script." Understand that during the trauma drama, you as therapee, with your eyes closed, will be talking 100% to your Self. Do not talk to your friend-therapist. Your friend will understand what you are doing and what you are going through because you both discussed your script. So do not bother explaining all the details and nuances of your evolving experience to your friend. This will free you to accept only the emotional support and strength of your therapist while you drop down silently into memory. Your occasional comment to your Self or to your parent tells your friend where you are in the script.
3. Before starting Act-I, have your friend retrogress you in years from your current age back to the age of your selected and scripted trauma. It will give you courage to have someone else lowering the rope down into your mineshaft of memories. Have your friend allow you to dwell for a few seconds at each age, seeing the movie scene of that age. Your friend will continue to regress your movie backward by droning quietly: "You now are 25 years old. See your self at 25. What did you look like? What did you wear? What are you thinking at age 25? What are you feeling? What are your spiritual yearnings for meaning and love in your Life now at your age 25? Now you are 24 years old...."
As s/he approaches your trauma age, the drone will get more intense. Finally: "Now you are just one year away from your trauma age. Feel your confusion rising. Feel your pains beginning to happen. Feel the fear that the trauma is returning. Now -- you are that age. Now feel the full hurt of...."
4. Once you reach the age of your trauma, do not speak in past tense. Do not say, "I remember I did this. Then Mother came into the room. Then Mother said...." That separates you from the event. Re-live the episode by speaking only in the present tense of that age. Actually re-be that age: "I am doing this. Mother is coming into the room. She is saying to me with anger on her face...."
5. In a few minutes, your Act-I will be in the center of the trauma drama cyclone. All your physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual energies and entropies will be roaring around your Life and pouring into this one injuring episode. Your friend will have to do no more work. Once you start the energy/entropy vortex of your memories whirling, it goes by itself. Once you start the synergy chain-reaction of your emotions accelerating, it speeds up by itself. All your friend will have to do is repeat over and over, at appropriate moments, the key phrases and quotations which you wrote at the end of your "Trauma Drama Script." These are the key sentences which your Mother or Father said to you to traumatize you. This will build Act-I to its climax. The climax happens usually in about 5 to 10 minutes after starting.
6. As the intensity of the emotional trauma builds toward its climax of 100% feeling, your friend will shout only the key phrases -- or sometimes only one key phrase -- which cause your trauma tornado to accelerate and whirl toward maximum pain and belief. Now you and your friend will do a curious thing which allows friend-to-friend trauma drama to be a 100% precision tool. For brief seconds, you both split your attentions between that past time when the trauma happened and the present time. As the trauma typhoon is shrieking with mounting intensity; as your child is being pummeled around the vortex with greater and greater pain; as your total Life is focused upon re-living that roaring hurricane of destruction -- your friend pokes her/his head into the sane center and hollers: "What percentage of pain do you feel?" And you, stepping for one second out of the tumbling chaos of the child vortex wall into the same dead center of adult sanity, do a quick internal check and yell back: "I feel 60% pain1" Or 70 or 90.
This clues your guide to your position along the scale of emotion and belief from 1% to 100%. S/he adjusts her/his guidance intensity accordingly and accurately to that number. This gimmick works because your intuitions know which percentage of 100% total pain experience you are feeling at each stage of the build-up. You communicate this stage to your guide. Your guide then reinforces your belief that you are at this stage by honking back in her/his litany: "You are a naughty boy. You feel 60% naughty. You are Mommie's naughty boy. You feel 60% pain because of the guilt. Now feel 70% pain, naughty boy. Feel 70% pain, naughty little you. Do you feel 70% pain, naughty little boy?"
"Yes, I feel 70% pain. I am Mommie's naughty boy. I am taking all the love away from Mommie so Sissie can't get any. I feel 70% pain."
"You are Mommie's naughty little boy and you feel 70% pain. Now feel 80% pain. Do you feel the hurt of betraying sister and lying to Mommie by 80%?"
"Yes, I feel the terror of betraying everybody, especially Mommie, by 80%."
"Good. Now try to feel 90% pain."
"No. I feel only 80% pain because then Sissie died and Mommie then didn't love me no more and I betrayed Mommie. I feel 80% pain and guilt."
"Good. Now can you feel 85% pain?"
"No. I feel 80% pain."
"Good. Do you feel 85% pain?"
"Yes, I feel 85% pain as Mommie's failed lover...."
Then 90%; 95%; 100%.
Once 100% pain is achieved and acknowledged, your guide will keep you on this plateau for about a minute or two to really grind in the full realization that you no longer are your adult, but are your child; your dreadfully spastic child. By 100%. With 100% intensity, re-be your crushed child. With 100% belief, re-live the ghastly trauma. With 100% horror, re-see the injustice of your parent who allowed you to be so traumatized. Yes, feel the pain, 100%.
For that most excruciating minute or two, your friend-guide will allow you to re-experience the full powerlessness and hopelessness of your chaotic child. Re-suffer the full crying, yelling, screaming terror of being chopped off from your genetic drive to grow into your whole brain power. Indeed, re-be your traumatized child. But your friend-guide will watch you closely so you do not suffer too much pain for too long. At just the right moment:
"OK. Flush the toilet! Go into Act-II."
Your child brain had given up all hope of redemption. Your child spirit had given up all expectation of magical salvation. Your child did not dream of being saved from this axe chopping of your identity, dignity and integrity. You had forgotten there was a next step. But there it is: Act-II. You forgot you are being given your democratic right to revenge. The prize of the surprize is overwhelming. Now you remember. Indeed, Act-II is revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.
The dam breaks.
The flood howls.
"Oh you turd! You dirty stinking turdbrain! You goddam lying fucking pig! You tricked me! You trapped me! You cheated me! You told me I had to be your husband because Daddy and you didn't sleep together no more! And you told me I was to blame because Sissie caught sick and died! You puke! I was your toy! I was your whipping dog! How dare you trap me in that double bind of making me guilty if I disobeyed you and being guilty because I knew, I simply KNEW, that you were blocking my growth into my normal boyhood and full intelligence and...."
And so on and on and on.
Your friend then will get up, smiling, twinkling, and leave. S/he will go away to wash dishes or read a book or play with the eagles. You will be left to yodel and wallow in your wild shitout revenge for as long as it takes to excrete those years of cumulated entropic confusions and frustrations and injustices. Then, as soon as the flood of tears spreads out and soaks into your sub-soil realization, the lightning insights will flash. Pow! Pow!! Pow!!! After thunderwater, flowers. Wisdom unfolding. You will see the whole picture. You will understand the whole dynamic, past, present and future. You will re-integrate the whole episode positively into your Life. You will harmonize all into new vision.
If the pain was very deep, if the injustice was very bad, you may feel it is not yet time to forgive. It will not yet be time to do Act-III. Wait a while. An hour. A day. A week.
Eventually, alone, you will feel like doing Acts III, IV and V. You will do them. Eventually. alone, you will repeat the trauma drama and get zero emotion. You will repeat one more time and get boredom. Indeed, boredom from that which once wrenched you so intensely that you refused to do trauma drama; so intensely that you needed to find a friend to help you get started. Bravo! With boredom, the trauma is cured!!
7. Remember: Through each trauma it is your adult responsibility to remain sane while acting-out to 100% pain. Your friend may see that your sanity is savoring fully the therapeutic intensity of the ache and so may keep you on the 100% pain plateau for a minute or so longer. Or s/he may see that this plateau -- or that even 80% or 60% pain -- is too much too soon for you this time and quickly may shout: "OK! That's enough! flush the toilet! Get your revenge! Get your relief from her! Flush it!"
8. After going through Act-II, write down your new insights to document your breakout from old neurotic behaviors into new growth behaviors. The intensity of your intelligence and wisdom will diminish after your sleep, but the residue of growth will remain in new memory -- reinforced by your documentation written down in your "Brain Journal." During the trauma drama, you take 10 steps forward. After sleep, you may take 2 steps backward. But you still are 8 steps ahead.
9. After going through Acts III, IV and V, discuss with your friend
what happened during each act of the trauma drama. S/he will dialog and dispute with you to challenge you to milk this holy cow down to absolutely dry tit. This will reinforce your courage that you are doing the right thing. That you, later, can do this alone -- as truly self-therapy. But as soon as both of you are satisfied that all negative information from the trauma has been exposed and transformed into positive information within your triune computer, you two should celebrate. Play together. Create a unique ritual which commemorates this shared experience. Create a medal. Break bread together and feast joyously. Invent a holy love which transcends you two into ever-heightening mellowness and respect for each other.
10. Reciprocate the energy which your friend gave from her/his precious personal, private Life of growth into your entropy of death. Create a reciprocal synergy. Create a reciprocating chain-reaction. After a good night's sleep, you be the therapist and guide her/him as therapee.
Retarded Adolescent Rebellion
Earth?s brain revolt is on. No more can all people suffer the pain of their 90% dormancies. No more can all people tolerate the meaninglessness of their 10% intelligences. No more can all people in America and the Soviet Union watch the insanity of our 10%-brained leaders piously ignoring the cause of their blind behaviors blowing up the planet.
Indeed, the revolt is on.
But against whom?